Mojo has been having the strangest thoughts lately. Perhaps that anonymous poster struck a chord within my heart, this chord, of course, being purely metaphorical as a physical chord in my heart being struck wouldn’t result in my confusion, but mostly my discomfort and potential agony. That isn’t to say that what I’m experiencing isn’t some form of agony, but…oh whatever.
Maybe I should…just minus the feces, that wouldn’t go over well at all.
So, as you may or may not have noticed, I, Mojo Jojo, recently commented on the political “scene” taking place here in the United States. Yes, I put the word scene in quotations, so as to confirm that it is like a scene from a movie, not a legitimate political movement. See? Mojo can be witty and hilarious at times.
MWAHAHAHAHA!
Ahem, so as I was saying, Mojo recently commented on the political “scene” in the United States, and in response, he received a series of extremely…odd messages. Relating to feces. Yeah…I am not exactly sure as to their reason, I do not understand why they were sent, nor do I understand why they were so fecal-focused. But this is not important.
Apparently one such Anonymous Poster declared that Mojo had a political slogan. Thinking about this…you know, minus the feces material, I, Mojo Jojo, came to the conclusion that, perhaps, the savior of the American future rests not with the GOP nor President Obama, but perhaps the only way to save America, is to elect a leader who would DESTROY ITS ENEMIES WITHOUT FAIL.
And so, on today, March 9th, 2012, I, Mojo Jojo, am officially considering running for President of the United States of America. Yes, yes, yes, I am not a Christian, nor am I an upstanding citizen, and, let us face the uncomfortable truth: I am a monkey. However, I do have a history with running both the world, and corrupt organizations and working with criminals. I think I would fit in well as the president.
What do you think, Tumblr?
PS: Mojo has discovered tags. Surely this will help him reach the appropriate groups and eyes with his messages. The more specific the tags are, the more likely I am to reach the correct audience, yes?
…So many words to make a simple inquiry, of course you may befriend Aku!
After all, he has never ‘loathed’ you, merely thought you entertaining. The red demon also took hilarity in persuading Aku not to invite you to his events, but you are yet his comrade.
Oh of course, it would be because of that nefarious, harlot of a demon. I cannot understand what it is he has against me. I served him faithfully until I deemed him unfit to act as the ultimate evil, at which point I, Mojo Jojo, assumed control of said position and declared myself the ultimate evil. Yes, Mojo may not possess supernatural powers, nor a deranged sense of fashion, however, he is perfectly fit to act as an end-all, be-all source of villainy and destruction.
This reminds me, I discovered an interesting dimension using my trans-dimensional receiver. In this dimension I, Mojo Jojo, wrested the powers of evil from Him, and, in doing so, I, Mojo Jojo, became the “Devil” as it were. Could you imagine? My intellect combined with his nigh-unlimited power?
AnonymousWhat?
…
MY FACE! I AM ONCE AGAIN MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT SELF! Thank you mysterious anonymous poster! Without your reminder, Mojo could have remained a disgusting human indefinitely! This is to say that your words, those words reminding Mojo of his state and of the magic controlling him, have brought him to the realization that these words HOLD NO POWER OVER HIM!
MWAHAHAHAHA!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
I DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT HAVE A FECAL OBSESSION. I am not attracted to, turned on, or in any way, shape, or form interested in FECES.
Where…what…how…I cannot even think. I cannot even speak. What is this. Why is this suddenly brought to light? I have never had any obsession with feces. I will never have any obsession with feces.
And HOW DARE YOU anonymous user. Powerpuff Blossom is my mortal enemy, but even then, she deserves better than feces. Anyone who would even think about offering her such a vile offering deserves a fate worse than death.
You are a vile, horrible and disgraceful person. You do Powerpuff Blossom and myself an injustice. Stupid humans…
…Besides, I doubt Powerpuff Blossom would accept my offer.
What is with this nonsense? Has anyone been watching the recent Republican activity? It is insane, it is ludicrous, it is baffling! If I, Mojo Jojo, were to go in front of millions of people and say something like “I like firing people” or “Women need to learn their place” they would throw me back in prison! And don’t get me started on Ron Paul. Yes, he is, as the internet has discovered, “so brave”, however, this does not excuse his eccentricities. That is to say that his bravery, deserved or otherwise, does not overrule the equal parts of lunacy that he has to say.
I mean, isolationism in this day and age? Bah! If Mojo were president, again, he would not isolate Mojerica (TM), from the world. Instead, he would use the massive amounts of power belonging to Mojerica to CONQUER THE WORLD ONCE MORE!
MWAHAHAHA!
And you know what? Even when I type these words, those words being my dreams and desires of renewed megalomania, I still sound less insane than the rest of the yahoos running for office. It is downright embarrassing. I blame democracy. You should never give the power to make world-changing decisions to the stupid common people. That is a right deserved only by a single autocratic ruler.
Clearly, whoever is superior enough to take command is, logically, the one best fitted for making decisions. And these decisions, due to his (or her, do not think Mojo a sexist like SOME people) superiority would thusly be accepted as concrete and decisive.
All of this pandering to the common man and being bought and sold by corporations. Bah! That is not the way to run a country, much less the world. The first step in solving America’s problems is getting rid of this democratic nonsense. Even a Republic is a sham. Unless there is a single ruler in power who cannot be questioned, and, as such, cannot be bought, there will always be someone paying for legislation.
This is whack yo. This website, that website being Tumblr, moves too fast, man. Like, Dude, it is, what you would call, crazy. That is not to imply that it is mentally deficient nor that it is in any way insane, but it is simply hard to comprehend, yo. It moves, like, at the speed of light, man. It’s speed surpasses 299,792,458 m/s, homes. I struggle to keep up, like, word.
Am I doing this human thing right? It feels wrong, it does not feel right, and instead feels as though this were not the proper way for me to be speaking.
That is preposterous! I am an amazing father. I am kind, I am compassionate, I am a disciplinarian. I do not coddle my children, nor do I abuse them. I test them! I help them build moral character, I help them become better!
I created them, for Science sake! To say that I am a bad father is a fallacy. It is wrong, and it, most certainly, is not correct! You could not be further from the truth. The statement you have made, while misinformed and not necessarily a lie, is the opposite of true.
In fact, I’m going to apply for this so-called Dad of the Year award. I’ll win in a landslide, just you watch!
*shakes his erm…leg…hand…whatever* Ah yes, it is most comforting to see that the internet is a breeding ground not only for idiocy and silly memes but also for intellectual progress and discussion. I, for one, am most pleased to discover another who cherishes knowledge enough to recognize its many forms, particularly when one of those forms is the form of myself, Mojo Jojo, the greatest, most true embodiment of knowledge and science ever conceived.
Erm, also Mojo apologizes for his late response, apparently the fools at the electronics store seem to think that Mojo has nothing better to do than work forty hours a week. What kind of nonsense is this? Why can’t stupid people fix their own computers? I had a customer today who actually broke the disc drive to her computer thinking it was a cup holder.
Such idiots…such fools…oh well, I made quite the commission on the fix by overcharging her, finding numerous other errors with the machine and up-selling her to many extraneous devices she did not need.
MWAHAHAHA!
In hindsight, now her computer would rank in the top 5% in the country as far as computing power, so this may not have been as evil as previously envisioned. Oh well! I made money! Evil money!
MWAHAHAHA!
“The RowdyRuff boys raped the PowerpPuff girls causing them Aphephobia and becoming emo. Blossom is now il mannered, Breezy is now mute, Buttercup is suicidal and Bubbles is addicted to drugs. Can the boys redeem them self and help the girls.”
What in the world am I reading? How…
Nothing! You did absolutely nothing worth knowing about! Do not trouble yourself in seeking further knowledge of the acts you committed in this other dimension as the acts committed are not worth knowing, as they amount to nothing in that what they are is nothing at all.
You hurt them. Yes, hurt them, caused them physical harm. You rent their flesh and delivered unto them, they being the Powerpuff Girls, a great physical and emotional blow. Yes, that is what transpired. The details as to this transpiration and what it entails in regards to the act of what you have done is not important, only that the act took place and that in performing this act you became more vile and horrendous than even I can imagine.
In closing, I repeat, and reiterate, do not seek out further information as to the knowledge of what it was that you did in this dimension that is clearly not the one you are from, given that this cyberspace medium allows for multiple dimensions to communicate. It was nothing, and you should feel terrible for even thinking about doing it.
It being the nothing that transpired. That you didn’t do. An act you did not commit, yet, should be ashamed of committing in another dimension even if that dimension wasn’t the one from whence you came.
…
Go to your room, you’re grounded.
…. WHAT
WHAT DID I DO ?!!
That is not important. Some form of you committed an act I shall not speak of, meaning a description of the act shall not cross my lips into your mental understanding for fear that you will attempt said act as the impressionable youth you are.
Just go to your room, play with your toys, and be good.
And shame on you for what you did in another dimension. FOR SHAME BOOMER.
